Fuzzy Teenage Bunny

557 Posts
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*Old Man sitting in front of stage. Curtains closed*

Old Man: *looking at audience* Gather 'round, children, and hear my--

*Three children begin gathering around Old Man*

OM: Now, here, now! What are you doing?

Boy1: Gathering around you, of course

Girl: Just like you told us.

OM: I was talking to them! *points to audience*

Boy2: But they were already gathered 'round!

OM: It's a tool of story telling

3Children: Oh

OM: Anyway *clears throat* Gather 'round, children, and hear my tale of love, heartbreak, and murder from beyond the grave!

3C: Oooo

OM: *singing* A long time ago in a secret lullaby, the Prince left the Girl, and the Girl committed suicide

B1: Well, that was short

OM: That wasn't the end! Now, stop interrupting. If you pay close enough attention, you may just be able to see the story take place right before your eyes!

*Girl and Prince come on stage in front of curtains and embrace*

: *singing* A long time ago in a secret lulaby, the Prince left the Girl and the girl committed suicide

*As OM sings, Prince leaves Girl, who then swallows contents of a bottle and drops to the floor*

OM: But the Girl rose up from the depths of Hell *Girl stands up* where the suicidal screech in pain *Arms reach out from off stage and screams are heard* and found her Prince lying with a Lass and the Girl was filled with hate *curtains open to show Prince and Lass laying together on a bed. Small table next to bed* She grabbed a knife from the bedside table, woke the Lass and said

The Girl: Scream while you're still able to breathe!

Lass: *screams for about half a minute*

TG: All right, we get the point!

OM: And the Prince woke up to the Girl's twisted grin *Prince sits up* As she asked

TG: My dear, do you love this wench? *points violently at L*

OM: The Prince said

Prince: Yes

: And wailed as the Girl stabbed the Lass *pretty obvious actions* screaming

TG: I'll see you in Hell!

OM: *singing* Oh, a long time ago in a secret lullaby, the Prince loved a Lass who was murdered because in the past, the Prince left the Girl to be alone in the world and the Girl committed suicide

*curtains close*

3C: *start clapping*

OM: The story's not over yet, I'm simply pausing to catch my breath

B1: What a lame cover up to prentend the actors aren't changing costumes

OM: *cough* Yes, well... Ah! Time to move on!

*curtains open. Prince walks on stage looking older*

OM: The Prince lived to a ripe old age, doing good for all his days *Prince throws some gold around, smiling and waving* And the Reaper *Reaper walks out* offered praise

Reaper: Jolly good, ol' chap

OM: And the Prince asked

P: So, am I saved?

R: No

OM: Said the Reaper with a merciless laugh

R: You, good sir, will suffer for your past! *singing* Because a long time ago in a secret lullaby, you, Prince, loved a Lass, who was murdered because in the past, you left the Girl to be a lone in the world and the Girl committed suicide.

OM: So when you hear a shrieking in the night *howling wind sfx* or a cackle that fills you with fright *tree branches sfx and Girl laugh* The Prince is getting his due pay from now until Judgment Day! *Girl whipping Prince (or some such torture)*

All: *singing* Because a long time ago in a secret lullaby, the Prince left the Girl to be alone in the world and the Girl committed suicide. Yes! The Girl committed suicide!

*Close curtains*

*Something interesting happening with the characters that I haven't quite figured out yet (Or, as I originally wrote it *No fucking idea what to put here*)*


Okay, I originally wrote this as a song, and then thought it would be neat to turn it into a play. However, I have no freaking idea if the humor ruins the story or provides a nice contrast, which is why I'm counting on YOU guys to help me ("And why should we help you?" you ask. "You haven't been on here in ages and are probably not planning to be much more active than you are at the moment!") Saying "please" makes you more likely to do it, aye? *begs* lol But seriously. Tell me if you think the humor is good or just extremely awkward. And suggestions on what the heck I should have happen at the end, if anything. And pretty much any suggestions/questions/advice/whatever you may have.





Fuzzy Teenage Bunny

557 Posts
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Also, I'm not quite sure if this is technically a tragedy since the "real" characters and the Girl end up doing all right in the end



Furry Young Bunny

843 Posts
Karma: +9/-0
That's cute and funny Samgam! What were your ideas for the end? How long did you want it to be?



Marketing Team

6,253 Posts
Karma: +94/-1
I have to agree with Kimberley here, I really like it! It is funny and it is cute :D.



Fuzzy Teenage Bunny

557 Posts
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I'm not sure about the end. Maybe some minor dialogue between the Old Man and Children. I just know it would be weird to end it where it is now. I don't really have a specific length for it. Just however long it takes lol

Thanks, guys ^_^ I'm glad you like it.



Marketing Team

6,253 Posts
Karma: +94/-1
Maybe one of them can be intelligent and say something like how the guy didnt make the girl kill herself and the old man can say "what would you know?!" and storm off?



Fuzzy Teenage Bunny

557 Posts
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Hm... That's a good idea. I'll toy with it a bit and see what I can come up with. Thanks ^_^



Growing Baby Bunny

Regular Member
71 Posts
Karma: +4/-0
I think that there is humour to it and not too sure how you could end the play. It could have a little more funny in it and you could have it end with something to make the audience think, like a late punchline.


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About the Author

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Nameless (samgam) is a Novelist who has made 557 posts since joining Creative Burrow on 05:36pm Sun, Mar 8, 2009. samgam was invited by No One.

About samgam
A random ball of awkward. Now available at WalMart!

Along with writing things I've never published, I've edited books for a company that failed.

My newest hobby is knitting.

Writing Style
Fantasy, romance, drama, humor

Other Works by this Author
Coming Soon